A good way to score with the ladies is to lie to them
Hi folks. I want to share some tips with those of you who, unlike myself, have problems in the ol' lady department.
I find that a great way to bag chicks is to lie.
Some women are pretty shallow. They want men with jobs, or money, or they want a guy without a "drug and alcohol problem". Let me give you fellows some advice: If you want to mate, then fabricate.
Let me give you a recent example from my own life. You may remember that I have a date this Wednesday. Do you think I got that date on my own merit? Of course not. I am a charmless, 31 year-old, 138 lb monkey-man with no job, dandruff, shin splints and a tattoo of the linux penguin on my barely existent left pectoral. So how did I do it? It's simple, I lied. Here's how the conversation went:
"Excuse me, this is really embarrassing but I'm short 13 cents on my vodka and you look pathetic enough to lend me money."
"Money ain't a thang. I manage a hedge fund."
"Oh cool, thanks. What's a hedge fund?"
"It's where millionaires give me their money. I'm worth $49,421,241."
"Awesome. I'm genetically programmed to be hot for men with lots of resources they could use to provide for my hypothetical children."
"What a coincidence! I'm genetically programmed to attempt to convince women I'm capable of amassing such resources. Are you also into status symbols? Because I drive a Porsche, but it's in the shop."
"Totally! If I'm seen with a man who drives around a turbo-charged, high horse power status symbol it lets other women know that I can attract a high-quality mate, thus increasing my own social status."
"I've never met anyone quite like you. You're such a unique and beautiful individual."
"So are you! I've never felt this way before! I'm mentally-stable, disease-free, and I definitely don't have a violent and jealous ex-boyfriend."
See how easy it is? If I can do it, anyone can.....by the time she figures out that I slightly stretched the truth, she will have already fallen in love with the beautiful 'Apple on the inside'.
I find that a great way to bag chicks is to lie.
Some women are pretty shallow. They want men with jobs, or money, or they want a guy without a "drug and alcohol problem". Let me give you fellows some advice: If you want to mate, then fabricate.
Let me give you a recent example from my own life. You may remember that I have a date this Wednesday. Do you think I got that date on my own merit? Of course not. I am a charmless, 31 year-old, 138 lb monkey-man with no job, dandruff, shin splints and a tattoo of the linux penguin on my barely existent left pectoral. So how did I do it? It's simple, I lied. Here's how the conversation went:
"Excuse me, this is really embarrassing but I'm short 13 cents on my vodka and you look pathetic enough to lend me money."
"Money ain't a thang. I manage a hedge fund."
"Oh cool, thanks. What's a hedge fund?"
"It's where millionaires give me their money. I'm worth $49,421,241."
"Awesome. I'm genetically programmed to be hot for men with lots of resources they could use to provide for my hypothetical children."
"What a coincidence! I'm genetically programmed to attempt to convince women I'm capable of amassing such resources. Are you also into status symbols? Because I drive a Porsche, but it's in the shop."
"Totally! If I'm seen with a man who drives around a turbo-charged, high horse power status symbol it lets other women know that I can attract a high-quality mate, thus increasing my own social status."
"I've never met anyone quite like you. You're such a unique and beautiful individual."
"So are you! I've never felt this way before! I'm mentally-stable, disease-free, and I definitely don't have a violent and jealous ex-boyfriend."
See how easy it is? If I can do it, anyone can.....by the time she figures out that I slightly stretched the truth, she will have already fallen in love with the beautiful 'Apple on the inside'.
posted by Mr. Apple at 10:45 PM
1 Comments:
that would totally work if you were going for the totally materialistic shallow type of woman
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