Recipe for healthy living

Most of you who are reading this are probably shut-ins like myself and basically out of shape and probably watching TV and drinking Miller and eating corn chips and mayonnaise all day. Every once in a while when the ranch dressing or mayo in your dipping bowl gets low you heave your soft, wheezing carcas up out of the easy chair and over to the fridge. Then you probably scratch you butt through your threadbare jogging pants, peek through the curtains, cough, wipe your nose on your sleeve, and shuffle over to the computer to check your email and read my blog before heading back to your command post in front of the TV. Trust me, this catches up to you after a while and you may find that you are having difficulty doing some of the active-living type things you used to be able to do, like climb stairs and touch your kneecaps without rupturing your vena cava. So here are some healthy living tips for shut-ins and agoraphobics that I am providing to you as a public service:

1. 10 jumping jacks, 15 deep knee bends, and 5 standing karate kicks every morning for fitness
2. you are a shut-in and therefore don't get much sunlight, take cod liver oil with all meals for vitamin D
3. cut out the mayo
4. switch from corn chips to a healthy alternative (pita bread/rice cakes)
5. try chair yoga while watching tv or surfing your internet
6. ranch dressing should be used sparingly and only with salads
7. remember to shower once every so often and change clothes at least bi-weekly (socks and undergarments even more frequently)
8. switch from beer to wine which is scientifically proven to be good for you
9. no pets. we both know you won't let them out and you'll end up with a real mess on your hands that you're too lazy to clean up.
10. read for stress-reduction...many libraries offer services for people like us....