Online Poker is Completely Futile
Get a load of this loser:
From rootenergy:
"If you haven’t noticed from all of my ramblings, everything is spiritual. Life is all about the energy. Energy is spirit. You are a generator, in the most profound sense of the word, of energy, and therefore, spirit. When I play poker online, it is essential that I get “in the zone”."
Hey Mr. rootenergy, here's a clue.....online poker is completely futile and no amount of New Age nonsense is going to change that. You can meditate, and adjust your aura, and generate energy all you want, but you're still gonna lose all your money. And if you happen to be one of the estimated 10% of people who actually make money playing online poker, then the situation is only marginally better since you are probably making less than $1/hour.
The funniest thing is listening to guys tell you how much money they made playing online poker. If you encounter one of these skids, they will tell you all about their "all-ins" and "bad beats" and usually they are wearing a lot of fake gold and track pants and stained t-shirts with weird smells and they will bore you to tears if you let them. I met one of these guys. He went to the world series of poker in Las Vegas and had special ball caps made up with a logo that he designed....for good luck or something. All his friends were there too, and they wore these ridiculous hats for moral support and kissed his ass and told him what a hero he was. I could hardly believe it. This is like going to the convenience store with your friend Mike for an afternoon, and wearing a "Go Mike!" t-shirt and massaging his shoulders while he scratches lotto tickets and eats cheese nachos.
Here are the main types of online poker players:
Addicted Guy:
Oh God. This is the saddest guy of all. He heard that online poker was fun and a great way to unwind after work....and his buddies told him "yeah bro, it's totally easy to make big money!" Well son, unfortunately your buddies at work lied to you. Now he is a complete degenerate working 9 hour days just to barely pay the rent, eat Ramen noodles, and stay up until 4am playing PartyPoker. His girlfriend left him because all he does is scream at his computer - plus he has no money, he refuses to leave the house long enough to take her to the movies, and he is impotent from the laptop radiation that shriveled his man parts.
"Expert" Guy with Pipe Dreams:
Is there a more irritating man in the universe? This is the speedbag who will tell you how he made 5 figures last year playing online poker (he counts the digits after the decimal). Usually he is also the type of guy to regale you, ad nauseum, about the drunk chick he bagged in the Pizza Pizza parking lot that one time after the Slayer concert. This guy quotes books about poker, and ridicules his friends during friendly games because they made a "negative expected value" decision. He is seriously considering quitting work to play full time. He won't shut up about poker and has posters of TV poker show hostesses in bikinis on his bedroom wall. He took money from your wallet when you weren't looking......it was a + expected value play.
Friday Night Drunk Guy:
This guy struck out at the bar. He is depressed and ve-heh-heh-ry drunk. Now he is at home at 3am on a Friday pissing away his student loan money in a half-conscious stupor. This will continue until he either a) passes out face down in a puddle of drool on his keyboard, or b) loses his buy-in and puts his fist through the wall, thereby breaking his mouse-operating hand. This would turn out to be a mixed blessing since at least it would ensure that he'd have a bit of beer money left to celebrate getting the cast removed in 2 months.
Online Poker Guy who makes fun of Online Poker Players:
Behold, the most wretched character in our entire rogues gallery. Note the smarmy grin and sweaty forehead. Note the cocky tilt of the head. Oh you're above it all, aren't you Online Poker guy who makes fun of Other Online Poker Players? You're better than the rest of us aren't you? Well, the sad truth is that this guy combines the worst traits of the first three guys and more, since he also has terrible breath and an undescended testicle. Keep making fun of us if it makes you feel better, you mono-testicled freak.
From rootenergy:
"If you haven’t noticed from all of my ramblings, everything is spiritual. Life is all about the energy. Energy is spirit. You are a generator, in the most profound sense of the word, of energy, and therefore, spirit. When I play poker online, it is essential that I get “in the zone”."
Hey Mr. rootenergy, here's a clue.....online poker is completely futile and no amount of New Age nonsense is going to change that. You can meditate, and adjust your aura, and generate energy all you want, but you're still gonna lose all your money. And if you happen to be one of the estimated 10% of people who actually make money playing online poker, then the situation is only marginally better since you are probably making less than $1/hour.
The funniest thing is listening to guys tell you how much money they made playing online poker. If you encounter one of these skids, they will tell you all about their "all-ins" and "bad beats" and usually they are wearing a lot of fake gold and track pants and stained t-shirts with weird smells and they will bore you to tears if you let them. I met one of these guys. He went to the world series of poker in Las Vegas and had special ball caps made up with a logo that he designed....for good luck or something. All his friends were there too, and they wore these ridiculous hats for moral support and kissed his ass and told him what a hero he was. I could hardly believe it. This is like going to the convenience store with your friend Mike for an afternoon, and wearing a "Go Mike!" t-shirt and massaging his shoulders while he scratches lotto tickets and eats cheese nachos.
Here are the main types of online poker players:
Addicted Guy:
Oh God. This is the saddest guy of all. He heard that online poker was fun and a great way to unwind after work....and his buddies told him "yeah bro, it's totally easy to make big money!" Well son, unfortunately your buddies at work lied to you. Now he is a complete degenerate working 9 hour days just to barely pay the rent, eat Ramen noodles, and stay up until 4am playing PartyPoker. His girlfriend left him because all he does is scream at his computer - plus he has no money, he refuses to leave the house long enough to take her to the movies, and he is impotent from the laptop radiation that shriveled his man parts.
"Expert" Guy with Pipe Dreams:
Is there a more irritating man in the universe? This is the speedbag who will tell you how he made 5 figures last year playing online poker (he counts the digits after the decimal). Usually he is also the type of guy to regale you, ad nauseum, about the drunk chick he bagged in the Pizza Pizza parking lot that one time after the Slayer concert. This guy quotes books about poker, and ridicules his friends during friendly games because they made a "negative expected value" decision. He is seriously considering quitting work to play full time. He won't shut up about poker and has posters of TV poker show hostesses in bikinis on his bedroom wall. He took money from your wallet when you weren't looking......it was a + expected value play.Friday Night Drunk Guy:
This guy struck out at the bar. He is depressed and ve-heh-heh-ry drunk. Now he is at home at 3am on a Friday pissing away his student loan money in a half-conscious stupor. This will continue until he either a) passes out face down in a puddle of drool on his keyboard, or b) loses his buy-in and puts his fist through the wall, thereby breaking his mouse-operating hand. This would turn out to be a mixed blessing since at least it would ensure that he'd have a bit of beer money left to celebrate getting the cast removed in 2 months.Online Poker Guy who makes fun of Online Poker Players:
Behold, the most wretched character in our entire rogues gallery. Note the smarmy grin and sweaty forehead. Note the cocky tilt of the head. Oh you're above it all, aren't you Online Poker guy who makes fun of Other Online Poker Players? You're better than the rest of us aren't you? Well, the sad truth is that this guy combines the worst traits of the first three guys and more, since he also has terrible breath and an undescended testicle. Keep making fun of us if it makes you feel better, you mono-testicled freak.
posted by Mr. Apple at 11:14 PM
1 Comments:
I agree with the legislation which aims to ban credit cards as a payment method for online gambling of any sort... and i think it should be enforced worldwide – not just in America. In fact, gambling with a credit card should be banned full stop. Not just on the internet. It’s a no brainer when you consider you are placing backing the outcome of an uncertain event with somebody else’s money. Chance and credit do not mix well in my opinion, and continuing to allow it would only contribute further in negatively affecting the high levels of personal debt many citizens today find themselves in. I do however, think that the prohibition won't work; or at least it won’t be received well amongst gamblers - I mean what’s the point in banning a credit card payment made on an online poker game, for example, but continuing to allow online sports betting? Slightly hypocritical, no? I mean how can you allow someone to participate [with or without a credit card] in online horse racing betting, but not put any money on a hand of texas hold’em poker? both activities involve a large degree of chance, and neither are guaranteed to yield financial return.
What really infuriates me however, is that the minority of irresponsible gamblers [those paying with someone elses money - Friday Night Drunk Guy / Students!] have now ruined the fun of online betting for everyone else - those like me who pay with money they actually have in their bank!!
At least for the Americans there is always the free online poker games!
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