Important Announcement: I Have Purchased a Cellular Telephone

Yes, you read that correctly. After more than 30 years without mobile connectivity, I have finally saved up enough money to purchase a modest cellular phone package. It has changed my life. I look and feel younger. People smile at me more. I have a spring in my step that I haven't had in years. Of course, nobody really calls me, but I am confident that that will change in short order as word spreads. People who don't have cell phones are annoying. Stop inconveniencing the rest of us you Luddites!