God Damn It, Natalie Portman

God damn it Natalie Portman. Why won't you answer my calls? Pick up.

Pick up.

pickup pickup pickup pickup pickup pickup pickup pickup. God damn it, Natalie Portman.

(ahem)...Oh, uh hi Natalie Portman, it's just me again. I guess you're not home. Yeah, I accidentally called you by mistake. I was trying to call Lohan - your numbers are like 1 digit apart or something. We've got plans tonight and I wanted to tell her I was going to be late. 'Cause that's how I roll. Sucka MCs show up early for Lohan, but I know what time it is. Lohan's so into me, know what I'm sayin'? Hah, of course you do Natalie Portman..........fo shizzle........(cough).....uh, yeah sorry for the accidental call. I must have hit the 3 instead of the 7. So weird that your numbers are almost identical, eh? Soooo weird.

(......)

Are you there Natalie Portman? Pick up if you are. Or whatever, I have to go soon anyway so, like, whatever. Probably I'll go hit the gym before I head out. I work out a lot these days. Thursday is chest and biceps.

God, it would be so funny if you were there and not picking up! Could you imagine how pathetic that would be?!?! That would be so weird and funny!

So funny.

Anyway, you know, like I said in my last message....617-555-5555. You know, if you're in town. Oh, and my work number is 617-555-5556! I forgot to mention that before.

Man, my pecs and lats are sore from working out so much. Or maybe it's from the yoga I do....or all the charity work I've been doing with the homeless. Drunk homeless people are heavy and sometimes I carry them to bed and read them stories at the volunteering goodness centre I volunteer a lot of time at.

Oh crap, that's Lohan on the other line. I gotta go, so if you're there and not picking up this is your last chance.........(cough)........OK, bye Natalie Portman. Lohan gets cranky if I'm too late..........(click)



God damn it Natalie Portman, I hate you so much. I hate you so much.