Assholes Smoke Pipes

"You know what? You're a real asshole Holmes."

So I bought a pipe....but I have a problem. My problem is that if I ever saw a guy like me sitting on a bench in a public place smoking a pipe I would think to myself, "What an asshole." It's kind of like when you see a guy walking around with no shirt on. It doesn't matter why he's shirtless, he's automatically just an asshole. If he's in great shape, he's an egotistical asshole. If he's not in great shape, he's a deluded and egotistical asshole. Same with a pipe. A pipe is the bare chest of the insufferable pseudo-intellectual. The most obnoxious meathead in the world ripping his shirt off to impress some girls is only half as annoying as the pitiful affectation of the pipe smoker puffing away like Sherlock Holmes. At least a bare chest might get you laid.

But perhaps I'm being a touch harsh.

I've actually tried the pipe out a few times, and I enjoy it. It smells nice. There's no coughing and hacking since the smoke isn't inhaled. Your fingers don't stink afterwards. Maybe people who smoke pipes just do it because they enjoy it? Maybe it doesn't make you an asshole at all? And even if it is a bit of an affectation, who cares? I mean we all have those, don't we?

So, you see, I've painted myself into a corner. Either I'm an asshole because I like the pipe, or I'm an asshole because I think people who smoke pipes are assholes.

Either way, I'm fine with it.