Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Marriage is out of the question unless you've had a brain injury

Whoever said TV wasn't educational? Tonight I learned:
1) A sure recipe for a miserable life is a poor marriage
2) A sure recipe for a poor marriage is to get married

My roomate is in Germany meaning that I have couch and TV access, which in turn means that I have been watching some television shows I've never seen before. Tonight I saw a frightening "reality" show called Tuesday Night Book Club about a bunch of very wealthy female narcissists that is sure to scare straight any hapless Joe Blow like me who happens to turn it on. No man who sees this show will ever marry unless forced to do so by a posse of shotgun-wielding in-laws. Sure, the women who would agree to appear on a show like this are almost certainly drawn from the rightmost tail of the crazy distribution....but they are so bad that even the remote possibility that you might end up with a female as self-involved as these ladies is enough to keep a fellow bachelorized for the rest of his days.

I haven't seen a more contemptible and miserable collection of people on TV since the Lakers were eliminated from this year's NBA playoffs. Oh, and lest I be accused of sexism, let me just say that the husbands on this show are no better. If I was a young, attractive, intelligent woman (like Natalie Portman for instance) and I saw this show, I would immediately exclude all rich, motorcycle-driving ex male-models from my dating pool and focus exclusively on sensitive, spectacle-wearing man-boys who know their times tables. Unfortunately for you, we man-boys have also been watching the show and have decided to forego women altogether and just get goldfish.

3 Comments:

Blogger C said...

What you're telling us is that we have no chance of marriage anymore...the wolrd is doomed.

6/22/2006 11:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I worked with this neurologist once who told me a story about this patient of his. She had sustained some kind of brain injury, I don't remember exactly what. As a consequence of this, she had become an almost infantile but unbelievably hypersexual creature.

The doc told me that she was always accompanied by her husband to appointments, and that he seemed to really enjoy his wife's new "personality". He was not the least bit upset apparently. It's kind of like a real life, bizzare, Lolita-ish tale.

Anyway, maybe you could find yourself someone like that? You'd probably have no worries.

6/22/2006 2:52 PM  
Blogger Mr. Apple said...

cjs,
of course you or anyone has a chance at marriage...all I'm suggesting is that you might want to consider the alternative.

anonymous poster,
I have already met women like that and they are overrated. I would much rather marry a stern and chaste old lady who would yell at me, make me do chores, and force me to sleep on the couch.

6/22/2006 7:07 PM  

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