This blog is completely worthless...

...and I am quitting until September. I am not being Michael Jordan. This blog just really sucks and I need to take a break from it and maybe re-jig it in the fall and give it a theme or some such crap. Maybe I will just let it die and start a new one. That's a good idea because too many people know about this one and I haven't been free to really speak my mind for months. Anyway, have a nice summer everyone!

I had many adventures

I am back in Boston after my trip to Ottawa. I saw friends and family and hit a few golf balls and drank some cold beer and saw the New Pornographers (minus Neko Case) at Bluesfest. I also applied for a passport. Perhaps I will tell you about some of my strange adventures later when we have more time.

I hate you

You know who you are.

What a sad turn of events

Who saw the World Cup final today? I think France may have outplayed the Italians, but the final outcome for me was completely overshadowed by Zidane getting red-carded for headbutting Materazzi. It's just an overwhelmingly sad thing. I feel so badly for him and I hate all the self-righteous jocks and wannabe jocks who called it shameful etc...

He is obviously an emotional man and it's pretty clear Materazzi said something despicable that set him off. It's no credit to Zidane that he headbutted the guy in his chest, but it's somehow worse (and more cowardly) to provoke a man to violence with slurs just to get him sent off while you writhe away on the ground in fake agony. I guess it's worth it to win the world cup? Anyway, the whole thing just depresses me. There is no such thing as sportsmanship anymore - not at these levels anyway.

Thrilling news.

Do you live in Ottawa? Well then keep your eyes peeled (starting Tuesday) for a 138 lb, long-haired, moustachioed sex machine because I am coming home for a week of sun-tanning and clothes-shopping. Every morning I will fix myself a gin and tonic (on ice), set up a lounge chair in my parents' back yard, strip down to my man-thong, and work on my full-body tan until 12pm. At 12pm I will lunch on cucumber sandwiches and sip mint julips. Then I'll fix myself up, do my hair, pick out a nice outfit, quickly down a scotch and soda, and head downtown for some shopping with my girlfriends!!!! Shopping will go until 6 or 7pm, then we'll break for dinner at a nice restaurant on the market, blast back a few rum and cokes, and then head to Tricia's to get ready for our big night. Tricia will score some yay from her ex and we'll try on our new outfits and get all amped and then go dancing until 3am. On the ride home we'll gossip and giggle about all the creepy guys that tried to hit on us, and then I'll get home and pass out in the bathtub and do it all again the next day. It's going to be soooooo great!

So fun and great, and not the least bit depressing! See you soon!!!!!

Why I Hate Portugal (Kind of by request)

1. They were the worst divers in the whole WC
2. They roll around on the ground and pretend to be injured more than any other team
3. They try to get players from the opposing team sent off or carded on every tackle
4. Every single match they played in the knockout round was ugly and violent and slow. Every. single. match.
5. Not only are they cheats, but they also have flashy nancy-boys like Ronaldo to make me hate them more.

Skids say "It's worth it"

The biggest skid phrase is "it's worth it."

You can hear skids say this when they are ordering a burrito and they ask for guacamole or extra meat and the guy behind the counter warns them, "it costs $0.75 more" and instead of saying "that's fine", they reply "it's worth it". Why is this such a skid thing to say? It's hard to put my finger on it, but it truly is something that only comes out of the mouth of a Grade A skid.

I think it might be the tone of professorial condescension that it's usually said with (i.e. "of course I want extra meat for $0.75 you fool, because the careful cost-benefit analysis that I've performed plainly shows that it is worth it"). Or maybe it's the undercurrent of skid defensiveness....(i.e. "yes, I know that the meat will cost me more, but I want you to know that you're not ripping me off - I'm too smart for that - I'm only ordering it because it is worth it"). Whatever the reason, if you ever find yourself telling someone that a purchase you've just made was worth it, you are a huge skid.

That is all.

Zzzzzzzzzzzidane!!!!!!

Heh heh. Thank you M. Zidane for making my day, and good luck in the final.

The most filthy, gross, dirty, cheating team in the tournament is finally going back to Portugal (after they lose to ze Germans in the meaningless 3rd place playoff).

The only thing that could have possibly made it sweeter is if Henry had winked at the bench after the penalty call.

Crap....I almost forgot.

Take Germany today. They're missing Torsten Frings (best name ever), but they'll still win. I would like to say, though, that I actually like this Italian team. In the past I have rooted against Italy for reasons similar to those that have me rooting against Portugal this tournament. However, this Italian team is better in that regard and have some great players - if they win I won't be upset.

Tomorrow it will be France over the dirty, cheating, simulating Portuguese team. If there is any justice in the world the French will win. Please God let them win.

please.


I want:
1. Cristiano Ronaldo to cry when they lose
2. Cristiano Ronaldo to get fouled repeatedly
3. Cristiano Ronaldo to get red-carded after retaliating for a foul
4. Figo to get red carded for simulation
5. Deco to get red carded for something he didn't do
6. Scolari to kick all their asses after they lose the game
7. Zidane to look bad-ass after France wins (no smiling or celebration)

Don't worry - It's just a small market correction.

You may have noticed that my predictions were 0/2 today. Have I lost my touch? No. It's just a small market correction and things will get back to normal soon. I will carefully consider my semifinal picks and have them to you later in the week. I am reconsidering all the data and keeping an open mind (although I'm slightly leaning toward the Germans taking it all).

Anyway, Brazil just got spanked by France. Zinedine Zidane was absolutely phenomenal again. I can't believe this guy is retiring. Against a team just stacked with talent, and playing on a team stacked with talent, he was head and shoulders above everyone on the pitch. What a player. He reminds me of myself before my career-ending big toe injury, only slower and less handsome.

Nooooooooo!!!!!

All the credit in the world to Ricardo. What a tremendous performance during penalties.....he was by far the best player on Portugal today. That being said....England deserved to win the game. What a joke of a red card on Rooney. The English played bravely down a man for an hour and were still the better side. What a magnificent performance...their fans should be proud.

You can say what you want about the English, but they play with class even in the face of the disgusting Portuguese play-acting. It's impossible to say whether Rooney's groin stomp was intentional, but if it was I think he was probably just checking to see if anybody on that side actually had testicles.

I can't wait for Brazil to destroy this team in the semis.