Merry Christmas!

I'm off to midnight Mass, but first I'd like to wish my millions and millions of readers worldwide a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! My father just offered me a drink before we leave but my mother won't let me have any more whiskey. Why? Because I've already had 2 and she's worried I'll embarrass her. She also made me chew some gum. OK - I have to go......I love you all....

Surgery was a success.

I'm in a bit of pain, but I'm recuperating well here at my parents' place in Ottawa. I get the stitches out next week. I still look kind of swollen and gruesome but once I heal I can't wait to go out on the town looking and feeling absolutely fabulous. I'm especially looking forward to my trip to Hawaii in January! Imagine how eyes will bulge and tongues will wag as I parade my fabulous new breasts down the sandy South Pacific beaches......

I think the drive for continual self-improvement is noble.

In other news, I have moved the bulk of my assets off the equities market and into my Party Poker account. The economic data seems to indicate that we are heading for very slow economic growth and possibly a recession in the new year. These indicators, combined with the overvaluation of securities (which will only be exacerbated as current record profit levels regress to the mean), tell me that a significant downturn is in the cards for the stock market. I didn't become the 17th wealthiest man in Canada by ignoring the data folks. Buy and hold is for suckers.

None of you have sent me flowers or even a get well soon card.

Sorry to my millions and millions of fans....

I haven't had a chance to update lately. I'm busy prepping for my plastic surgery and then getting ready to go home for Xtinamas and also prepping for my conference in Hawaii in the new year. I really feel like this procedure is going to turn my life around! I'm scared but excited.

What a drag!

I lost a fortune yesterday on the equities market.

By "equities market" I mean online poker.

By fortune I mean $25.

Probably I am a' gonna retool this blog. If you are a reader with a blog and want me to link to you, leave a comment anonymously saying "Have you read blog X? It is much better than your blog." Some blogs are ****in' cut. eddiegillis.blogspot.com is gone since he hasn't updated in about a year. Some other people are gone since they graduated. cjsimo, you are safe for the time being - but there will be no more vacations to Europe or you are gone. Nick, you are on the bubble due to infrequent updates, but not cut yet. Poker guy is cut. I am fairly ruthless.

I broke the Commonwealth of Massachusetts land speed record today on my skateboard.

Just kidding - skateboards are lame and strictly for snot-nosed adolescents and man-children who refuse to accept how old they are.

Thank God.

Please let this ridiculous debate be over. The thing that concerns me most about the Conservative party is their tendency to pander to so-called "social conservatives". Anything that breaks those ties is good for the country.

Please, please, please.....

The opinions expressed by the Hitch do not necessarily reflect those of Mr. Apple, the Apples Over America blog, or AOA International Inc.

Now - I'm begging you. Please ask your pagan Earth mother voodoo goddess to stop bludgeoning my insides.

Classic Hitchens.....

Behold the wisdom of the Hitch.

Alexis you are worthless

If I don't get those pictures in electronic format in 3 days I am putting your dog to sleep.

Dion has it!

Rae is out and Dion has moved up to 1st.....that means it's over. There's no way Ignatieff will take more of Rae's people than Dion. French English French English French English......the Liberals are so predictable.

Very Interesting Stuff at the Liberal Leadership Convention

So there have been two ballots - and we're currently down to three decidedly unimpressive candidates. Ignatieff is still in the lead, but I really can't see any scenario where he gets 50% + 1. It's basically between Rae and Dion, but since Kennedy has thrown his support to Dion I think he will probably be the next leader. My buddy at the convention is a Dion supporter, so he will be very happy.

Would Dion have a chance to beat Harper? Yes, I think so because les Quebecois will vote for him. He definitely has a better chance against Harper than Ignatieff, but as crazy it sounds I think Rae would have the best shot. Will anybody west of Ontario vote for Dion? The guy can barely speak English. His environmentalism is not going to resonate with voters the way everybody seems to think it will. If I were a Liberal delegate right now who wanted to win the next election, I'd hold my nose and vote for Bob Rae.

Ignatieff is not Canadian

He sounds like somebody stuck a big red New England lobster up his ass. Does anyone in Canada have that accent? No. It is a Boston Brahman accent. He is not Canadian. No one will vote for this guy. I hope he wins. It would be ****in' priceless.

Bob Rae's speech was good.....I am calling the election for Rae. Hilarious. Rae leading the Liberals? Twilight zone......

I Finally Did It

I got my hair cut. The never-ending drama is finally over. How do I look? Very, very good.

When my sister emails me my photos I will post one so you can see what I used to look like. I won't post any current photos since that would make it much too hard for people to look past my beauty and take my thoughts and opinions seriously.